Post 7 - The Fantastic Four

Soooooooooooooooo....

....Here is a dancing racoon...

This image contains more humour in it than the whole of the Fantastic Four!

Here is a Cat facing off with a Racoon...

This image contains more dramatic tension than is in the whole of  the Fantastic Four!

Here is an animated Racoon with a gun!

This Racoon can act more convincingly than any of the cast of the Fantastic Four!

...Ok you get the idea!

It's a new week, so time for a new blog, and having been away for most of last week, I have a bit of catching up to do!

Before going off on a litre camping excursion last week, I had a Monday morning to kill, so I wandered down to the local multiplex, got me a large salted popcorn and decided, despite the murderous reviews, to give this film a chance!

On the outside, I thought it deserved a chance. Having thoroughly enjoyed Whiplash, I had discovered a newfound respect for Miles Teller's acting (let's forget about Divergent & Insurgent however!), I love House of Cards, so Kate Mara floated my boat, and if you're English who doesn't like Jamie Bell?! Well...before we begin, let's just say I don't think the cast are to blame for how stinkingly awful this film turned out to be, but calling this a tragic, car-crash, with multiple fatalities of a film, may just be an understatement of the year!

Who knows what happened in terms of directorship, editing and studio interference before the final cut was released to cinemas, but someone within those groupings needs to own up to blowing up their own work?!

The film starts well enough, it sets up the origin story of Reed Richards and Ben Grimm succinctly as a boy genius and his curious neighbour-cum-friend, working on Reed's 'teleportation device', giving both characters a tidy context from which to come...however after this point, which is about 10 minutes in, the film then starts to fall apart as quickly as a set of Ikea shelves made by Paris Hilton!

The film moves a decade on to find Reed being whisked away to the 'Baxter Building', which as far as the film explains (in side comments) is an institute of gifted 18 year olds, whom the US government has decided to charge with saving the world from an unspecified threat...

...And so continues the theme of the film...

...It continues for the next 60 minutes or so to make things happen, without providing any explanation or context. 

For example:

Sue Storm manages to gain her powers of invisibility without going to the mysterious alien planet that the others get theirs from...why? WE DON'T GET TOLD! 

Victor Von Doom gets lost on the alien planet, then manages to survive for a whole year and even gain a bad-ass looking cloak...how? WE DON'T GET TOLD!

Dr Doom gains the supernatural ability of being able to kill people and crush their heads (etc) just by blinking, yet when it comes to the final battle, he tries to destroy our Fantastic Heroes by punching them and throwing rocks at them...why? Has he forgotten his superpower abilities? WE DON'T GET TOLD

In the final battle, the heroes visit the mysterious alien planet in their 'saving the world' lycra suits, yet when they first went there they had to be suited and booted in space suits...why are they not now? WE DON't GET TOLD

I could go on...

...and on...

...and on with these, but you get the idea!

The editing continuity errors in this film are so bad that you find yourself trying to suppress outbursts of wrathful anger at the screen, 'BUT WHY?!' BUT HOW?! BUT THAT MAKES NO SENSE!?'

Now we know superhero origin stories work, if you don't believe that, you must have been living in a cage with only an ostrich for company over the last 10 years. So in principle this wasn't a bad idea....

...However in practice, the film failed in so many places, but especially in the writing that made it to screen. Basically, where Iron Man fought the 'Taliban' in a cave, Superman came out of a Krytonian Apocalypse, the Fantastic Four graduated school with some additional emotional baggage! Before we even go to the alien planet from where they gain their powers, the most interesting thing that happens are montages of actors drawing on whiteboards or typing super-intensely on keyboards. And where Superman & General Zod level Metropolis, and the Avengers leave about 3 trees standing in New York, the required superhero supper-battle at the end of this film is so short that a badly timed toilet break would mean you miss LITERALLY the whole thing!

Basically you have three options here:

1) See this film, and then spend 20 minutes whacking your head against a wall

2) Play with a racoon and have more fun than could ever be had here

3) Watch the two Fantastic Four films from the 00s and marvel at how Fox could manage to make a film that makes these two films look good!

Its your choice!

Verdict: Celery! This film doesn't even deserve a popcorn rating...I KNOW! It's that bad!

Post 6 - 'Inside Out' - Pixar Grows Up

To begin, if you don't know what the film's about, go read the storyline blurb, on IMDB...you're gunna need some context to refer to for this review!...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2096673/

So now that you've read the blurb, what does your gut tell you about who this film is aimed at?

Kids or Adults?

You look at the first two words of the story summary "Growing up...", you look at the bright vibrant colours of the movie posters on billboards and buses that have been doing the customary rounds, you watch the 'perky', 'bouncy' trailer that Disney have put out...and what do you think?



You think this is a kids film! I did!

Well, I'm sorry to say it....I think you're wrong!

This is an adult's film, wrapped up in the sugar-coated, candy floss coverings of previous Pixar offerings such as 'Up'.

So what do I mean by this?

Well what makes Inside Out work so well is that it is a film not just about the main character's emotional journey through the film, but it is a film about her fluctuating mental emotional state. 

The film goes beyond the outside view, and situating the main action in the realms of her emotional consciousness and leaving it in the hands of Joy and the gang, the film makers are able to sensitively touch on, and show empathy with, the issues faced by a young girl who it could be said is dealing with manifest feelings of depression. And it is this relatable emotional realism, that has not been as explicitly present in Pixar's previous outings, that is the film's strength and allows it to pack some massive emotional punches along the way.

It is a strange film with regards to the rare fact that many of the lighter hearted moments of the film come from the symbiotic relationship that is created between the distinct psychological accuracy of the script and punch-lines of the written jokes. Which ultimately is where the film has been mis-sold, because jokes about (literal) 'trains of thought' and 'poo-ber-tee', to name a few, are flying well over the heads of the young children who are being taken to see this, and hitting the target with their parents instead! This is also reflected in the slower middle-act of the film, and slower paced action, which means that the younger viewers in the showing I was in were getting fidgety, a bit bored and ultimately annoying by this point!

So, in conclusion, I guess the best piece of advice I could give to any of you readers who haven't seen Inside Out yet, is that you don't need to beg, borrow, steal or kidnap any children to take under a cloak of illusion to see this film. Go buy a ticket, walk into the showing with your head held high, ignoring all the judgemental 'starings' of any 5 year olds who think you shouldn't be there, and know deep down that this film is meant for you and not for them!

Verdict: Salted Popcorn - Easily one of Pixar's best offerings in many years, a fantastic film, that ultimately has just been marketed to the wrong audience!

Post 5 - Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation

The year is 2029...

...You get in your hover car and drive to the cinema...

...You arrive and pay by blinking at a holographic attendant, due to the custom made 'Apple Pay' chip installed in your brain...

...After which you buy some sugar-free, salt-free, carbohydrate-free popcorn and settle into watch...

...Mission Impossible XII: (Generic Badass Sounding Subtitle)!

The film consists of launching a 67 year old Tom Cruise, strapped to a nuclear missile, into space, from where he proceeds to do a space walk in just his underwear, cheered on by a wheelchair-bound Simon Pegg offering either overly sarcastic or confused comments along the way!

Ok...

...This may not be MI:RN, but this is most likely where the MI series is heading if MI:RN is anything to go by!

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed watching it! I like the MI series, I've seen them all more than once, and probably will do so again!

However I think this film, has taught me the true meaning of what it is to like a bad film!

But let's start with the positives first! The positives being the ACTION! And there is a fair amount for  an adrenaline-junkie to digest! The crowning pieces being the film's 'cold-open' which sees Cruise clinging to the outside of a flying plane, it is a sequence that is ultimately suited to even a Bond film opening, and has the appropriate level of humour to match! There is also a very beautifully shot sequence in the Vienna Opera House, that for the first time in 3 and a half MI films, I have genuinely felt tension for the characters and the outcome of the situation!

Yet, comrades, there are negatives! The plot is virtually non-existent, the acting is wooden, and the 'Big Bad' is so bland and boring that I've genuinely forgotten anything about him since I saw it a few days ago! And this all stems from the problem that the MI series has turned a corner with this film (and the last outing too), in which the action sequences have become more important than the plot. The character interaction and surrounding plot simply acts as a vehicle to ferry Cruise from one explosion to the next! And thus the films have lost any of the thrill, suspense and tension that made the first film such a brilliant, stand-out classic, and which the James Bond offerings have been dolling out reasonably well over the last 10 years. Ultimately the blame lies at Cruise's door, as due to his fading box office stardom (just look at the lack of success for some of his latest offerings, e.g. Oblivion, or the Edge of Tomorrow), his fate has become inextricably tied to the MI series, on which due to his stunt-prowess and producer status has become a means for him to showcase his considerable action-sequence talents, but not a lot else.

Ultimately, if you've seen all the MI series, you will probably watch this film, however if you don't, you aren't missing anything being added to the overall Ethan Hunt back-story, and to be honest, if you've never seen a MI film and you happen to stumble into a cinema screening with this on, you won't find it to hard to pick up an understanding of what is going on!

Sorry Tom, but thanks for helping me to understand what it means to genuinely like a bad film!

Rating: Chocolate Popcorn

NB. Note to self, when this film comes out on DVD, it would make for use in an excellent drinking game!

Post 4 - Ant Man - ...Visual proof that Paul Rudd is immortal!

Good morning comrades! Next up on our whistle stop tour of this summer's season of what have basically been a bunch of really silly blockbusters, is Ant-Man! 

The one point we can take away from the film is that Paul RUDD is IMMORTAL! HE NEVER AGES! I mean seriously! Look! -->

(I think he's a vampire!)

Any way, I digress...As you may have spotted, this summer's offerings on the cinematic altar of sacrifice have had a slightly more surreal, silly, sometimes humorous vibe to them than previous summers (e.g. Avengers Assemble, Transformers 4: Age of Extinction, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes). And this feeling is summed up no more so than in Marvel Studio's 10th offering 'Ant-Man'. 

A story of redemption for ex-con Scott Lang (Paul Rudd), who stumbles across 'super-scientist' Hank Pym (Michael Douglas), and is unwittingly signed up to Pym's (& daughter Hope's (Evangeline Lilley)) cause of defeating 'generic evil scientist-cum-business man' Darren Cross (Corey Stroll) who has used Pym's discovery of the 'Pym Particle' (a particle which decreases the space between molecules) to create a tiny soldier suit that gives the wearer immense strength. This he subsequently plans to sell to more bad-guys (HYDRA) from which they'll make an army and conquer the world...

...Ok I'll stop there for a minute...

...As you can tell, even from Marvel's fluid grasp of the scientific world (Super soldiers, Big Green Rage Machines etc.) this is a bit far fetched! And in some respects the difficult premise on which the film perches is a little difficult to adapt, and this is reflected a little in the film. 

What I mean by this is that one of Marvel's main successes over the last decade has been making their film adaptations of their massive back catalogue of superheroes and super-heroines grounded in real world contexts, and relatable to the viewers understanding as to how superheroes may or may not fit into current geo-political systems and events. Just look at Iron Man's origins in war-torn Afghanistan, or the corruption that seeps out of S.H.I.E.L.D in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. 

However the above premise finds itself floating away from any form of grounding reality quite quickly. So Marvel's way to combat this is to make the film more of a Comedy/Drama-cum-Action Movie and not the other way round, which ultimately makes it into a very entertaining watch. 

Paul Rudd is extremely likeable as a more relatable superhero than Marvel's more 'holier than though' Captain America, or 'Could I be anymore sarcastic?!' Iron Man. 

Michael Douglas brings needed seriousness/gravitas to his role of ageing scientist Pym. Which it must be noted, the film needs, without which it may have run away with its ridiculousness too much.

Evangeline Lilley and Corey Stroll have characters that are a little too 2D for my liking, and could have done with filling out a little more. Yet if Marvel gets its way, and as shown by its usual post-credits palette cleanser, my wish might just come true for one of these!

Where the film makes its money is in Michael Pena, who plays Scott Lang's sidekick, and delivers some of the funniest plot-developing, story-telling monologues I've seen in a film in a long while! 

Marvel should also be congratulated on making a success out of a film that has long been in stuck in the womb, and didn't have the easiest of births. One of the films greatest strengths is the comedic timing of it's dialogue which can be put down to; one, initially giving the reigns to a proven director in Edgar Wright (of 'Cornetto Trilogy' Fame), and when his and Marvel's 'marriage' broke down, two, giving the film (and it's re-workings) to Rudd himself, Peyton Reed & Adam McKay. 

The comedy ultimately works! It's what makes the film, and has allowed Marvel to set up another (if slightly smaller) franchise. But with Ant-Man due to be initiated into the much larger Captain America: Civil War next year (otherwise known as The Avengers 2.5 due to its cast size!), I'm not so sure how he'll do and look fighting alongside the literally and metaphorically bigger superheroes of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I have the feeling as a character he may be a little lost and out of place there...but we'll see!

Which if you compare this to how Fox have virtually destroyed this summer's Fantastic Four by handing it to unproven talent, and over-meddling in it whilst it's still 'cooking, you have two very contrasting films, that are on the polar opposite ends of the large spectrum of success that movie studio's call a 'film's takings'. 

(Ant-Man Opening Weekend: $57 million. Fantastic Four Opening Weekend: $26.2 million).

Honest Trailers - The Fantastic Four

Ultimately Ant-Man's not a perfect film, it has a slow start, has a bit of inconsistency in the quality of the Ant action (some being hyper-real, and some, such as Lang's first venture in the suit, lacking in visual quality/looking a little tacky) and the script does give for some redundant additional characters who don't add much if anything to the story. 

Yet the film is a nice little action comedy that is a refreshing addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and shows that as a studio, they have more strings to their bow than Planet-wide scale action/destruction, and are ultimately still the ones to beat in the current Superhero-Studio Wars!

Verdict: Somewhere between Chocolate & Salted Popcorn - maybe a half and half - A fun watch, with an immensely likeable cast, but ultimately doesn't have as good source material which which to carry itself as well as other Marvel offerings.

Post 3 - Jurassic World - 'A Whole New World'

Well Aladdin says it nicely when talking about Jurassic World...it's a whole new world!

Admittedly I went into this film back at the start of the summer, somewhat skeptical...

...Jurassic Park is definitely an all time classic!... 

...Jurassic Park 2 (The Lost World) is far too self-important film, but it's not bad....

...Jurassic Park 3 ('The Land that Time forgot the name of because it's such a bad film!'...) is just not worth talking about it's that bad!...

In my head, it seemed as though statistical correlation was going to make this film so poor it might cause me some sort of health issue!

However, after a slow 20-30 minute or so start, I was pleasantly surprised! 

This was due to the fact that I had turned off the 'scientific rationale switch' in my brain, and just gone with it! 


Because, in summary...this film is enjoyably daft! Weaponised velociraptors! Chris Pratt as a Dr Doolittle of the Dinosaurs, there's the most ridiculously named Big-Bad in the whole series, and Bryce Dallas Howard spends the entire time running around the jungle in peach heels and full-make up! 

Yet if you let these things go, the film zips along at a nice pace, the actors are engaging and play up to their briefs (Uptight park executive ,whose world melts down around her only to find her inner-bad ass; Jock-like, laissez-faire hero; Bewildered children who provide a decent comic relief), the park is as spectacular (if a little CGI-ish at times) as the first film, and ultimately there are some unlikely winners, with whom you can empathise greatly with at the end.

Ultimately if you are a lover of the original, it won't beat it, it's not as 'grounded' as the first, which as much as it's 'real-life' dinosaurs, has an element of realism in it that it captures perfectly from the original source material. But it's enjoyable, engaging and fun!

If you've not seen the original but know of it, I would watch this film without watching the original first, as what this film serves as, is a way to open up the 'Jurassic' franchise to a whole new world of viewers who were too young for the original, which it does very well.

Which makes the film's overall winner...

...Chris Pratt!...

Who bags himself a second franchise within a year, and does so with great aplomb, bringing his comic timing skills to what is primarily a serious role, but allows him to do something different and just as well as last years Guardians of the Galaxy.


Overall Verdict: Salted Popcorn 

Next up...Ant-Man!

Post 2 - A Seasonal Summer of Silliness! - An Explanation...

Righty ho comrades!

To the reviews!...

...almost!

...I felt it only appropriate to begin this 'blogventure' with a tapas of thoughts on this summer's blockbuster offerings, of which, due to the fact of being a (lazy ass/hard-working, holiday-deserving?...) teacher (...it's a subjective topic, pick your favourite adjective!), I have had plenty of time to go and see!

There are 4 films that we are going to peruse over briefly, which shall be split over the next 4 posts. At the end of each review, each film shall receive a mark that equates to a popcorn type of the following:




1. Salted & Cheese Popcorn - As these are the world's two best types of flavouring, this mark basically means GO SEE THIS FILM! It will blow your mind, speak to your soul, take you to a new level of intellectual & emotional nirvana!








2. Salted Popcorn - Enjoyable, fun, emotionally engaging (and that's just me ;)!). Not worth pirating, because it's worth paying for!







3. Chocolate Popcorn - Maybe...when your feeling low...when you've drunk too much...when there's nothing else available to you, you may get some element of enjoyment out of this film. Other than that, if you can get someone else/your other half/your parents to pay for you, do so because better the cinema robbing them, than you!






4. Toffee Popcorn - Nope...shouldn't have been made! Poorly put together! A big sticky, flavourless mess, made up of things that just don't go together and just don't work! AVOID!

...So, now you understand the scoring system! 

The First Post

Post 1 - The First Post

My name is Dave...it's a pretty ordinary name...sums me up quite well. 

I've never been one to have major artistic flourishes, or never have I been someone who's particularly well renowned for forcefully putting forward eloquent soliloquies of opinionated prose about my thoughts. 

I live a pretty normal life; I live in Leicester, in the middle of England, I'm married to my best friend Freya. I spend most of my time attempting to teach teenagers science at a local secondary school, and a have a reasonably enthusiastic interest in doing and following various different types of sporting activities. 

So you've read the first few sentences and probably thought, 'Ok, fair enough, seems pretty normal...but why has he started a movie blog?'

Well that's a fair question good reader, and one that if I'm honest, I'm still trying to figure out as well.

In a nutshell, I've started this blog because it's something I've never done before. I've always been someone who has worried about doing new things, and subsequently worried that this fear of 'unknown', 'new' and 'different' has made me boring and a worrier. Therefore I recently have decided to make a pro-active go of doing different and new things, and seeing where it gets me...

...Which has led me to starting this blog. 

I've always been a fan of the movies, I've never been someone who has boxed himself into watching one particular type of film genre, but am someone who has always just loved the experience of sitting, watching, absorbing and analysing the good, the bad and the ugly of the film world, populist, niche or otherwise. Whether that's at the movies, at home with a DVD, or anywhere else you can think of?! I don't know if I have a particular moment when I first started to love films, or necessarily why I currently do?! But maybe this process of blogging about it will help me to find out when and why?! We'll see...

So taking this love of film, and articulating my opinions on it, to someone/no-one/the general ether of the t'interweb, is me trying to embrace doing something new, and hopefully in the process, me making an enjoyable reading experience for you. 

My hope is to look at new movies, old movies, good movies, crap movies, wherever this experience takes me!

If there was one movie you would recommend I watch what would it be? 
Get on your foghorn and tell me! :) I'd love to know!

Well, that's it I guess. 

You've made it through the first post! 

Well done chum!

Let's see what comes next...